Books on Pet Loss and End-of-Life Care:
There are many, many books in this area, and it is a body of work that grows daily, reflecting the deep attachments we have to our pets. Below are a few that I know of. Please drop me a line about any other books you’ve read and would recommend!
The Pet Loss Companion: Healing Advice from Family Therapists Who Lead Pet Loss Groups by Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio and Nancy Saxton-Lopez This short, straightforward, and practical book addresses various aspects of grieving the loss of a pet. The authors have decades of experience in family therapy, and specifically in leading pet loss support groups. You can listen to an hour long podcast by the authors here: voiceamerica.com/episode/108990/pet-loss-grief-and-healing
The Loss of a Pet: A Guide to Coping with the Grieving Process When a Pet Dies by Wallace Sife, Ph.D One of the earliest books about pet loss and grief, now in its 4th edition. The author is the founder of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement (see below in the Websites section) and has spent many years counseling grieving pet guardians. He writes clearly, simply, and sympathetically (including reflections on his own intense grief after the devastating loss of his beloved dog), and provides some optional exercises for handling difficult feelings.
The Spiritual Nature of Animals: A Country Vet Explores the Wisdom, Compassion, and Souls of Animals by Karlene Stange, DVM This book was written by a practicing vet who works with both large and small animals, and draws from the author’s own experience while exploring a wide variety of spiritual traditions from all over the world. It’s clear through all her personal stories that she cares deeply about animals and people, and that she is a deeply thoughtful person. And I absolutely loved reading her words, in a section on whether and when to make a euthanasia decision: “Each person has to make peace with their own decisions. The guidance for these decisions should come from within… The single most important thing I have learned in my years of veterinary medicine and while writing this book is to trust the guidance of this inner being.”
The Last Walk: Reflections on Our Pets at the End of Their Lives by Jessica Pierce This book alternates between descriptions of the author’s own personal experience of the decline of her dog, his problems, and her thoughts during the last year of his life; and sections offering more general explorations of philosophy and human behavior around this stage of pets’ lives. The general sections didn’t always resonate with me and I found myself disagreeing with some of it– maybe because these parts seemed to seek to provide definitive answers. But the personal sections were written more from a questioning stance, just chronicling the painful times and the sometimes-joys of day-to-day life at this elder stage– beautifully and directly reflecting so much of what I often hear from my clients about the challenges of handling the end of our pets’ lives, and the deep experience of our love for them at this time. The lack of clear answers here is actually comforting, I think, because that’s what so many of us go through, and reading of Pierce’s experience makes us feel less alone.
Kindness for All Creatures: Buddhist Advice for Compassionate Animal Care by Sarah C. Beasley This book, written by a longtime friend of mine, looks at many aspects of humans’ relationships with all kinds of animals, and how we might live these relationships within a Buddhist framework, informed by Buddhist teachings. Although Buddhist vows oppose the deliberate ending of life of a being for any reason, this book explores options for end-of-life approaches without heavy judgment. It offers Buddhist practices and rituals for this time that can be a source of peace and comfort, as well as practical considerations and resources for the whole lifespan of an animal. Visit http://www.sarahcbeasley.com to preview and/or order the book.
Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet by Gary Kowalski The author, a Christian minister, has written several books about animals and spirituality. This one focuses on bereavement after pet loss, and offers a section on creating your own memorial service and other ways to remember your pet.
Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande I very much enjoyed this book, by a surgeon, which explores his own personal experiences and thoughts about end-of-life care for humans, both as a physician and as a person dealing with the illness and eventual loss of his father. Beautifully written, thoughtful, and thought-provoking.
Pet Loss and Children by Cheri Barton Ross This book is written primarily for therapists and other support professionals but will also be helpful to parents and guardians looking for information about how to help a child understand and work with their feelings around the loss of a pet. The author is a pet loss support group facilitator and also a veterinary hospital co-owner. A section on discussing and preparing for euthanasia is included; the information about the process itself is a bit dated (most veterinarians I know now give a sedating injection first, for example), and I agree with the author that it’s a good idea to discuss the details of the euthanasia process in advance with your veterinarian to get the most useful, current information with which to prepare the kid in your life (if they will be present, or want detailed information).
Books on Pet Loss Written for Kids:
A word about pet loss books written for kids– they tend to be more instructive than books for adults, and are definitely not one-size-fits-all, so it’s a good idea to read them yourself first (and/or read through the Amazon reviews) to see if they reflect values and a point of view you are comfortable with. For example, some books are written from belief in an afterlife; others are agnostic on that point, and on what happens after we die. For some, the former feels more “right” and is most comforting, and for others it’s exactly the other way around. Many adults also find these kids’ books very meaningful– the loss of a pet tends to bring us back to our childhood, and to early losses we are still healing from.
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst and Erik Blegvad This widely loved book for elementary-age kids, about the loss of a beloved cat, is told from the perspective of a kid (gender not necessarily obvious nor specified, though the back of the book says it’s a boy). Judith Viorst is better than most at evoking a real kid’s voice, and the humor and sadness that take turns in our real-life experiences, so close to the surface when we are kids.
The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland and Thea Baker This is a book written for kids, with some helpful advice for adults too. One of the questions the author tries to address is a kid’s fear that they might forget the person they’ve loved, and the book talks about starting a memory box to help assuage that fear. It’s about the loss of any loved one, not a pet per se, but certainly could help with pet loss.
Jasper’s Day by Marjorie Blain Parker This book for early elementary kids (and younger) is about Jasper’s last day, when the family knows that his cancer has returned and has decided that it is time to euthanize him. Language is clear and simple and describes the day they organize for Jasper, doing the things he loves together with his favorite people. The euthanasia process is mentioned, briefly but directly. A favorite of many, especially helpful for a situation where euthanasia is planned in advance.
Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corinne Demas and Ard Hoyt This book is about a girl and her elderly dog, and talks about the gradual aging process and the ways in which Lulu’s abilities and quality of life gradually decline. Euthanasia is not discussed, but Lulu does die at the end, and it’s left open as to how this happened. The last couple of pages talk about the family getting a new puppy; some reviewers on Amazon mention skipping those pages or even removing them ahead of time if this part of the story doesn’t fit with the message they want to convey. Charming, lively illustrations. Some reviewers appreciate the theme of changing seasons as a metaphor for the cycle of life, and the lack of religious themes.
Cat Heaven and Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant These books are simple, with playful illustrations featuring God and angels in a variety of skin tones, and offer an upbeat message about how happy pets are in Heaven and how much God loves them. Death itself is not mentioned, which is preferable to some readers.
When a Pet Dies by Fred Rogers This book is gentle, clear, and straightforward. Illness and death of pets are addressed as natural parts of life. In classic Mr. Rogers style, the book offers comfort by letting us know that feelings of sadness and anger are real, and normal, but that they also ease over time.
End-of-Life Care Websites
Petloss.com This website, petloss.com, offers a free live chat room for people who have lost pets, as well as other resources. On Monday evenings, a non-denominational candle ceremony is held online in the chat room, which you can participate in at home.
Lap of Love Lap of Love is a franchising organization for end-of-life housecall vets. Their website at lapoflove.com is extensive and offers several useful resources for end-of-life care: quality-of-life assessment scoring tools at lapoflove.com/Quality-of-Life/Quality-of-Life-Scoring-Tools and a geriatric pet questionnaire at lapoflove.com/Education/Geriatric_Veterinary_Patients
IAAHPC (International Association for Animal Hospice and Palliative Care) The IAAHPC is an organization for professionals such as veterinarians and medical social workers who work with families and pets at the end of life. Their website at iaahpc.org is full of useful information about hospice care and bereavement for caregivers, professionals, and laypeople with pets.
APLB (Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement)
The organization was founded and is run by Dr. Wallace Sife, and offers many resources around pet loss, including a pet loss counselor training and certification program. The website also offers a free chat room for people grieving the loss of a pet. aplb.org.
Pet Loss Support Hotlines and Support Groups
Tufts University Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine (508) 839-7966 The hotline is staffed by vet students specifically trained to support grieving pet guardians, and is an excellent resource for a one-on-one conversation, but may not be operational outside of the regular school year.
Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine (607) 218-7457 Also staffed by trained vet students; as of July 2022 the hours were Wednesday 6-9 PM and Sunday 4-7 PM. Leave a message anytime for a return call during their hours of operation.
Chicago Veterinary Medical Association Helpline (630) 325-1600 Leave a message here for your call to be returned by trained volunteer counselors during their regular hours on weekday evenings. The CVMA web page at chicagovma.org/pet-loss-support/ has more information about the hotline, as well as about WINGS, their longstanding support group (see below).
WINGS online pet loss support group and private workshops Dr. Linda Harper, a clinical psychologist with a special interest and training in supporting people experiencing pet loss, runs this group which meets on the first Wednesday of every month at 7:30 Central Time (8:30 Eastern). WINGS is now on Zoom and is free and open to all. Email Dr Linda Harper, clinical psychologist, at linda@drlindaharper.com for an invitation to the Zoom meeting. Dr. Harper also offers individualized private 2-hour workshops to help people who have lost pets, or who work in animal care, to move through their pain and find new strength. Her website is at drlindaharper.com.
As of July 2022, the ASPCA pet loss hotline which is mentioned on many websites does not appear to be operational, but the ASPCA website does have end-of-life information here: https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/general-pet-care/end-life-care
Please drop me a line at heartofvt@dvmcenter.com if you find any other resources that help you in your journey of loss and healing; I would be glad to hear from you.